Tutta colpa del vino

Tutta colpa del vino

è una di quelle frasi che spesso sentiamo o leggiamo

ma oggi ho deciso di trasformare la frase ” tutta colpa del vino ”

in ” tutta colpa del ciclo”.

Tranquilli non parleremo del ciclo femminile , dei sbalzi ormonali o di tutto cio’ che riguarda questa sfera ,

no tranquilli su quest’ argomento se ne dicono di ogni , ci prendono in giro ,

ci beffeggiano , ci danno la colpa per ogni nostro atteggiamento legato allo sbalzo ormonale .

Oggi signori parliamo del ciclo maschile.

Ebbene si anche gli uomini , non tutti ovviamente soffrono di fase premestruale , di sbalzi d’umore dovuti dal ciclo e chi piu’ ne ha piu’ ne metta.

Insomma avete fatto caso che spesso i casi umani , come ovviamente possiamo chiamarli , soffrono di questa sindrome , 30 giorni al mese, 12 mesi l’anno.

Per questa constatazione , analizzata , appurata e verificata ,

oggi possiamo avere sotto mano una piccola

lista di casi umani soggetti al ciclo mestruale.

Quindi sedetevi , leggete attentamente , perche’ tutta questa lista ovviamente è frutto di storie vere e testimonianze reali.

Partiamo subito col dire , si conosce qualcuno , tutto bello tutto va bene ad un certo punto accade questo:

frasi tipiche che ci sentiamo dire ( spesso e volentieri, nei migliori dei casi)

solo perche’ non si ha il coraggio di dire la verita’ oppure perche’ raggiunto lo scopo

è meglio inventarsi una scusa piu’ tosto che dire quello che si pensa.

Prima frase storica dopo essere arrivati , dopo un lungo corteggiamento , alla terza base ,

ed essersi sentite elencare tutti i pregi e caratteristiche fisiche che una presunta donna debba avere , una mattina o forse meglio una notte , si riceve questo messaggio:

” Sinceramente non me la sento di continuare a parlare mi dispiace dirtelo per messaggio ma non

c’è stata occasione di vedersi e dirtelo di persona”

La sera dopo lo vedete con una tipa , ovviamente con caratteristiche opposte a quelle precedentemente elencate

ridere e scherzare come se nulla fosse .

La risposta che diamo noi , anzi in questo caso io che sto stilando questo manuale per la sopravvivenza è….

ma scusa non avevi gia’ un armadio in casa?

Seconda frase storica , dopo messi di frequentazione , un giorno

si perche’ questi messaggi vengono inviati la notte e tu li leggi la mattina seguente

perche’ ovviamente la notte dormi ,

leggi ,a 3 giorni di distanza dall’ultimo incontro , di pensare ed avere un ex a cui non si riesce proprio

a dimenticare e bla bla bla .

Ora io dico , ma questa prima di parlare con me non esisteva?

oppure era li tra i tuoi pensieri e poi te la volevi giocare a poker cosi per il gusto di perdere?

Terza frase quella meravigliosa che tutte ci siamo sentite dire una volta nella vita ( e non dite che non è vero!)

sono in una crisi esistenziale profonda , non so chi sono , dove devo andare , cosa devo fare della mia vita .

Ovviamente questa scaturisce dopo una miriade di discorsi fatti su quanto si stia bene , su quanto il sentimento che sta per nascere è diverso e profondo.

Ed ovviamente poi lo beccate a divertirsi lui , la sua crisi esistenziale ed un altro paio di ragazze , in giro per locali , o peggio ancora

in una storia su instagram che ovviamente lui ha dimenticato di bloccare proprio a voi!

Bhe ogni volta io , che ascolto da altre donne queste frasi , rispondo sempre la crisi esistenziale sapete dove se la deve ficcare?…

Quarta frase quella dove dopo , una relazione di amore puro e folle lui si innamora della sua migliore amica ,

pur di non dirlo inventa scuse anche pesanti , come una malattia del padre .

Alla fine la vostra amica lo becca al Karaoke con la nuova tipa.

Ma fermi non è tutto cosi semplice , dopo mille scuse e pianti , lui

viene lasciato e torna da voi a piangere

con la suddetta frase

” ho sbagliato tutto ti prego perdonami”

ed io ogni volta che ascolto questa frase rispondo

Bhe tra i due penso che lei si sia salvata nel abbandonare un piccolo uomo ( e sono stata veramente buona ) come te!

Quarta ed ultima frase la mia preferita ovviamente , quella top dell’uomo con il ciclo è

dopo alcune chiacchierate , feeling , invito ad incontrarsi e approfondire la conoscenza,

lui disdice tutto , fa ghosting

perche’ giustamente il ghosting fa sempre figo ( ma questo è un argomento di cui discuteremo successivamente).

Per poi sentirti dire dopo aver chiesto spiegazioni , perche’ diciamolo è giusto chiederle

” ero molto preso dal lavoro..”

E quello che mi domando io è , perche’ scusa prima non lavoravi o

hai avuto impegni tutti insieme ed appassionatamente ?

Bhe questi sono solo alcune delle frasi mitiche degli uomini con il ciclo quelli che dicono

tutta colpa del vino,

ma fidatevi ogni qual volta che loro cambiano idea dalla sera alla mattina noi

capiamo di quanto il nostro ciclo mestruale ci salvi e ci rende piu’ forti di quanto pensiamo.

In fondo noi riusciamo a partorire con grande dolore , loro a scrivere un messaggio con due semplici parole!!

Ed adesso scusatemi ma vado a controllare ” clue” ( la mia app che monitora il mio ciclo mestruale”

per vedere a quando le prossime mestruazioni ….

Potrebbe anche interessarti https://www.fashionvictime.eu/2022/01/03/manuale-non-tanto-ordinato-per-destreggiarsi-in-una-giungla-di-casi-umani/

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