Diario di una quarantenne

Diario privato

chi sa se parli di me


Chi sa se parli di me

Chi sa se parli di me  qualche volta

distrattamente , se racconti del suono delle mie risate.

Se racconti dei miei scherzi inutili avvolte stupidi ma pur sempre pianificati

se racconti delle lunghe chiacchierate , dei momenti di inevitabile confessione.

Giorni passati a raccontare una vita in poche parole.

Chi sa se ogni tanto pensi a quanto poteva essere e non è stato ,

quanti errori abbiamo fatto ora

che quel ricordo è solo polvere , posato su un libro mai scritto

lo sfogli distrattamente .

Pagine bianche

che nessuno mai leggera’ , perche’ troppo poco tempo c’è stato

per poterlo riempire

ed ora il mio nome rimane solo una semplice lettera macchiata d’inchiostro

quasi irriconoscibile, lacerato dal tempo, dai solchi che ogni giorno lo scalfivano.

Le emozioni , i respiri , i profumi non si sentono neanche piu’ nell’aria

tramutati in assordante silenzio , che rimbomba

in una stanza vuota troppo vuota per essere riempita.

Ricordami qualche volta

ricorda la mia voce che urlava , il fumo delle mie sigarette fumate


che si spegnevano ogni volta tra le dita, senza quasi accorgersene.

Le continue riflessioni , i pensieri e le paure

il dirsi ogni volta è andata cosi non poteva andare diversamente

perche’ è solo cosi che potevano le mie lacrime

bagnare le mie gote

ancora calde e rosse

dopo mesi di inutili spasmi.

Chi sa se qualche volta parli di me con te stesso o se con qualcuno

affermi di non aver potuto fare altrimenti ,

il suono della mia voce era cosi fastidioso da

farti innervosire eppure sentire che era inadeguato

in quel preciso momento.

Raccontami ogni tanto per non farmi diventare

solo un polveroso ricordo spazzato dal caldo vento

di una sera di mezza estate.

Chi sa se qualche volta lo pensi o se non hai la forza ancora di

poterlo urlare….

i miei demoni





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