Diario di una quarantenne

Il maglione

che strano aver voglia di qualcuno

(giorno 900 dal tuo ritorno)

Che strano aver voglia di qualcuno

Che strano aver voglia di qualcuno che non si conosce , ancor di piu’ strano aver un ricordo di qualcuno che non si conosce.

Avvicino il maglione al mio volto annuso a pieni polmoni , sento ancora quel profumo per un attimo rimango assopita tra mille ricordi.

Era tanto che non vedevo in giro quel maglione , forse lo avevo riposto in un angolo dell’armadio per non poterlo trovare , inconsciamente avevo

cercato di riporre un ricordo in un angolo dell’anima, per tenerlo nascosto.

Oggi cosi dal nulla l’ho ritrovato , non ho resistito ed ho cercato di capire se quel profumo era ancora li , e si c’era e come se c’era impresso in ogni fibra scura ma morbida di quel maglione ,

che avevo quasi dimenticato , si quasi perche’ avevo creduto di aver dimenticato ma non era cosi.

Ti avvicini

Mi guardi poi esclami ” a cosa pensi?”

rispondo quasi risvegliandomi da un sonno anzi da un sogno , con la mia solita risposta

” a nulla Amir , a nulla!”.

Certo che ci pensavo i ricordi sono riaffiorati cosi in un attimo , tutti uno ad uno eppure avevo pensato per un attimo che si fossero affievoliti , quasi sbiaditi ma non è cosi .

La mente umana per quanto labile sia i ricordi se li tiene sempre stretti , ed io oggi me ne sono resa conto perfettamente .

Dopo mesi passati con la mia solita valigia di problemi a cercare una persona che mi ha rinnegata , troppo impegnata a risolvere l’ennesimo colpo

di scena della mia vita avevo dimenticato quanto un ricordo potesse ribaltare tutto .

Ora ci penso sai a quella persona che forse non mi ha mai conosciuta veramente , ha fatto di tutto per avermi e poi come un foglio che stropicci e poi getti , mi ha gettato in un cestino quasi incurante delle conseguenze,

per poi forse riprendermi , aprire quel foglio perche’ si è ricordato di averci scritto su qualcosa di importante.

Cosi per tempo mi sono sentita come una carta straccia , quella che getti alle tue spalle senza neanche guardare troppo a dove va a finire , poi un ricordo , un paio di occhi un semplice

ripensarci mette tutto nuovamente in gioco , pensieri

emozioni ,ricordi, maledetti ricordi!

Mi guardi seduto sul letto sai bene che ho mentito per l’ennesima volta a me stessa ed a te  ma fingi di averci creduto .

Mi volto sorridendo ti dico

” Allora finiamo di mettere in ordine questa stanza o vogliamo vivere nel caos come al nostro solito?”

Ti alzi mi sorridi e fingi di mettere in ordine quelle strane cose di cui ci circondiamo , ricordi , abiti , mozziconi di sigarette mai spente e poi nulla….

fingiamo che questo ricordo non sia mai riaffiorato.

il tuo posto è qui

 

 

 

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