Diario di una quarantenne

Controvento

il tuo posto è qui

Il tuo posto è qui

Il tuo posto è qui , un giorno sei arrivato

entrando in punta di piedi nella mia stanza , con un passo cosi leggiadro che io non l’ho sentito .

Ti sei seduto al centro del letto , in mezzo alla stanza senza guardare nulla  , senza dire una parola ,

mi fissavi , seduto con le gambe  incrociate sul mio letto .

Mi sono voltata , quasi spaventata per quella presenza che non avevo avvertito , dopo tanti io ho tempo posso aspettarti

mi hai guardato senza esitazione con i tuoi occhi color nocciola, cosi scuri da essere penetranti , ma cosi dolci da poter trasformare tutto in una favola.

Mi hai fissato per un attimo e poi hai esclamato ” il tu posto è qui” ponendo la tua mano

affusolata e delicata sul cuscino , sull’altra meta’ del letto .

Incredula per un attimo ti ho guardato in silenzio , tremavo ma non lo davo a vedere , inconsapevole se pur certa di cio’ che mi avevi detto.

Non andar via , non cercare piu’ nulla hai speso un altro giorno alla ricerca di qualcosa , che non puoi o non è il momento di trovare.

Hai sacrificato un altro giorno per poter andare avanti cercare un nuovo sorriso , hai sprecato un nuovo giorno per vivere e ricominciare , con me.

Non andar via

lascia quelle valige in un angolo della stanza ,

sono troppo pesanti per una esile come te

Il tuo posto è qui accanto a me!

Per un attimo gli occhi mi si sono riempiti di lacrime , non riuscivo a parlare le parole non uscivano ,

e se pur avessi detto qualcosa sarebbe stato troppo sciocco e superfluo

rispetto a cio’ che mi avevi appena detto.

Ti ho guardato

confusa toccavo il cielo con un dito ma allo stesso tempo , io cosi razionale pensavo che forse non sarebbe stato un bene ,

non so..

Ti guardavo con occhi pieni d’amore di quell’amore che ti fa lasciar andare ed allo stesso tempo ti rende insicura e cosi fragile ,

per la paura di qualcosa di cosi grande che mi sta capitando da non saperlo gestire.

mi sto innamorando?

di una persona gia’ innamorata di me da tempo , a cui io non ho mai dato retta , non ho mai guardato negli occhi fino in fondo

forse è la strada che cercavo , quella per cui ho consumato tante scarpe ,

ho camminato dolorante con le ossa rotte ma guarite dal tempo.

Quello stesso tempo che guarisce ma che poi ti consegna il conto come a voler dire , devi pur pagare un prezzo

per quello che hai sofferto  cosa credi la felicita’ non costa nulla?

Costa il tempo e le cicatrici che ci portiamo dietro , la ricerca di un padre che non ho mai conosciuto , amori di passaggio ,

persone che non hanno apprezzato la mia follia ,

la mia pazzia , il mio essere particolare e cosi fragile allo stesso tempo.

Questo è il mio posto?

Non lo so ma forse ci sto pensando , Amir ci sto pensando….

che buon profumo che hai

Comments

comments

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