Diario di una quarantenne

Alla ricerca di te

che buon profumo

Che buon profumo

Che buon profumo che hai, me lo sono sentita dire tante volte

eppure ora non sento , non riconosco il mio profumo .

Cerco qualcosa che mi ricordi me , che mi faccia riconoscere chi sono veramente.

Un profumo un solo un odore quasi impercettibile agli altri ma che a me possa ricordare qualcosa , nella vaga e vana ricerca di te.

Qual’è il mio profumo quello che possa farmi ricordare , quello che possa creare un ricordo , in un mare di bugie

in una ricerca quasi stanca ma assidua di te , di chi sono veramente , di chi mi ha generato ma non mi ha cercato , di chi forse non ha

neanche il mio ricordo.

Non vedo non ho la percezione di me tra le persone , vago in un buio fitto a tentoni cerco di avanzare senza poter capire dove sono e chi sono.

Se tu non mi conosci poco importa ogni alba tramonto spero ti parleranno di me , non importa se non mi troverai io so gia’ che mi appartieni ,

mi sei dentro anche se non mi conosci.

Come Amir che è parte di me ma conosce tutto , tu no non sai nulla o quasi .

Semplicemente prendi le mie parole i miei pensieri e fanne una collana da poter indossare sempre , fanne una cornice dove metterai la tua foto piu’ bella.

Sperando che nei giorni di tristezza e malinconia tu non ti senta piu’ solo ma avrai sempre un soffio che ti accarezzi il viso e magari il mio profumo

ti ricordi quella che non sono e non sono mai stata per te.

Amir

Lo senti? il mio profumo almeno tu lo senti mi riconosci?

o anche tu non vedi piu’ me stessa come io non riconosco me , in questo buio.

Sperando di trovare almeno una stella guardo , con il naso all’in su il cielo ,

sperando di poterti ancora vedere per un ultima volta, vedere  quello che avrei potuto sapere ma non so .

In una ricerca spasmodica della vera me non sento altro che nulla in un mare di profumi forse  familiari o forse no.

Come una stretta al collo che ti toglie il respiro cerco in tutti i modi di rimanere a galla in un mare di bugie che mi ha travolto.

Porgimi la tua mano Amir almeno tu fatto!

Sento la stretta delle tue dita in questa notte in cui io non parlo e tu mi tieni stretta tra le tue braccia.

cerco me stessa

 

 

Comments

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