La strada di casa
Cerco me stessa
Cerco me stessa tra le strade di questa citta’, cammino mi guardo intorno
cerco qualcosa di familiare , incredula sconvolta mi guardo allo specchio e non so chi sono.
Confusa continuo a navigare in questa vita che non è la mia , una finzione che fin a questo momento sembrava reale.
Una bugia cosi grande da mettere in gioco l’intera mia vita
” Chi sono? Chi sono veramente chi è la persone che ho pensato di essere fin ora?”
Amir da giorni mi segue ormai è diventato la mia ombra ha il terrore che io possa fare qualcosa di avventato , di distruttivo ,
ma forse non ha ben chiaro
che ormai sono cosi stanca e confusa da non riuscire a pensare a nulla se non a quella frase
buttata li un pomeriggio di sole , avanti un caffe’ quella parola che non riusciro’ mai piu’ a dimenticare
non sei quella che pensi , avrei dovuto dirtelo prima ma non avevo il coraggio.
Piango dolori accumulati , scrape rotte , strade percorse, ,
piango dolori accumulati che poi scoppiano all’improvviso come i fuochi d’artificio.
“Cos’hai? ” Amir mi chiede
Non so pensavo che forse dovrei cercarlo chiedergli e magari avere una spiegazione , ma allo stesso tempo penso ,
non far domande a cui non vuoi aver risposta , meglio no?
Meglio vagare cosi in una vita che è stata cosi difficile ed ora sembra un sogno
vagabondare che avere risposte a domande che non mi sono mai posta.
Ogni volta guardo negli occhi qualcuno penso ” sara’lui?”
ma poco importa .
Sento il passo di Amir vicino al mio ogni volta mi guarda ,
con i suoi occhi scuri non sapendo che dire e che fare
io vado in giro con gli occhiali da sole per velare i miei occhi lucidi , la rabbia , dissenso
per una bugia tenuta troppo a lungo nascosta alla diretta interessata.
Continuo una vita che fingo vada bene , è l’unica cosa che riesco a fare ora .
Non riesco ad essere lucida a pensare ,
mi sono chiusa in me stessa pensando che sia la soluzione migliore in questo momento
in cui non so piu’ chi sono ,
sono un errore?
Una buia nascosta per anni?
Cosa sono ?
Cerco la strada di casa ma non la trovo vorrei tornare in una casa che sia la mia , un rifugio tranquillo in cui raggomitolarmi e sentirmi al sicuro ,
cerco me stessa ma non so chi sono…
2unpremeditated
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