Diario di una quarantenne

Mai cosi

il ricordo

Il ricordo

Il ricordo , sono stati giorni sereni , stranamente vissuti a pieno

non in modo distratto , quasi respirati e divorati , stranamente vissuti con intensita’.

poi è bastato un luogo , una frase

” che buon profumo che hai” , per farmi cambiare umore , per far riaffiorare i ricordi , quelli che hanno cambiato i miei occhi.

Mi guardi , Amir, seduta sul letto con le gambe incrociate a fissare il vuoto , basta un ricordo uno solo per far diventare i miei occhi di nuovo rossi , non lacrimo non riesco piu’ a farlo

ma ho cambiato umore.

Chi sa’ se qualche volta mi pensa , se sente il mio profumo e magari si volta a guardare una sconosciuta , se pensa che sia un bel ricordo o solo una di passaggio.

Troppe volte me lo sono chiesta e non ho avuto risposta , troppe volte ho sperato

e pensato cercami sono qui,

ma non è successo !

Ora fisso il vuoto assorta da quei ricordi ancora cosi vividi , il sapore di un bacio , un luogo che sembrava vuoto anche se pieno di persone

che aspettavano o andavano chi sa dove .

un abbraccio lungo un istante ma mai cosi penetrante , non ha pervaso la sua anima ma io non posso farci nulla ormai sono impotente.

Ho speso troppe parole , troppo cuore ,

l’unica cosa che mi rimane è solo un cumulo di ricordi sparsi qua e la , tra le pieghe dell’anima

che qualche volta riaffiorano

colpiscono , azzittiscono anche una logorroica come me,

tu lo sai bene ,

ogni volta che sto troppo in silenzio mi chiedi

” perche’ non parli? hai qualcosa che non va? stai male ?”

ma io sorrido , non rispondo come quando visualizzi ,non  rispondi non vuoi farlo.

Non rispondi perche’ le parole non possono sostituire il dolore non possono curare le ferite e calmare l’anima cosi inquieta.

Ti guardo seduto accanto a me, sai a cosa sto pensando , sai che i ricordi sono tornati anche se io non  volevo

non era una cosa cercata Amir perdonami  io non volevo , ma loro sono stati piu’ forti di me ed io oggi vivo

di ricordi un un mai cosi malinconico pensiero.

la mia serata fortunata







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