Diario di una quarantenne

Il litigio

sono veleno

( giorno 701 dal tuo ritorno)

Sono  veleno

” sono veleno 

te lo ripeto mentre

ti guardo

te lo ripeto ma tu 

fingi di non capire 

sono solo veleno ma tu 

non mi ascolti…”

Ti trovo mentre stai leggendo il mio quaderno degli appunti , immobile quasi di sasso vedo i tuoi occhi sbarrati su questi versi corro verso di te ed urlo

” Che fai? stai leggendo? ti avevo detto di non rovistare tra le mie cose ,

ok che sei tornato , ok ti ho accettato ed accetto la tua presenza costante vicino a me ,

ma i miei pensieri e quello che scrivo devono rimanere miei,

smettilaaaa!!!”

Mentre urlo in questa piccola camera , ti tolgo il quaderno dalle mani

lo getto a terra quasi a volerlo rompere in un solo colpo.

Mi guardi con gli occhi quasi terrorizzati per quello che hai letto , immobile sento il tuo respiro pesante mentre

urli , per la prima volta da quando sei tornato

” Cosa sono queste parole?

sapevo che scrivevi ma mai cosi !

Cosa diavolo stai facendo , non lo vedi ti stai distruggendo di nuovo eh?

Che cazzo fai?

Cosa pesi che non me ne sia accorto come in questi giorni le lacrime ti scendono quando pensi che io stia dormendo?,

vivi distrattamente , sempre fissando il vuoto ,

come con il moro ricordi?

Fingevi interesse ma stavi pensando ad altro , allora hai deciso di distruggerti ancora o di voler morire cosi? ”

Rimando immobile , pietrificata è la prima volta che mi parli cosi , non ti ho mai sentito parlare ne rivolgerti a me in questo modo.

Entro in bagno , mi avvicino allo specchio , stringo i pugni e fisso la figura avanti a me.

Una me che Amir ha dipinto perfettamente , livida, apatica con gli occhi costantemente rossi , un finto sorriso stampato ,

il veleno che ormai mi ha pervaso , invaso non solo l’anima ma anche tutte le ferite aperte.

Sono diventata questo?

Sono solo veleno?

Immobile mi fisso , vedo un immagine che non mi somiglia , ormai cosi lontana dal’ immagine che ricordavo

quella che ogni tanto guardo sui social

quella che rideva nonostante tutto.

Mai possibile che pochi mesi mi abbiano trasformato in questo modo?

Mi sciacquo il viso , metto il costume , esco dal bagno

senza guardarti e penso che dovrei scendere i ragazzi sono gia’ in spiaggia e si chiederanno dove sono finita,

non ho voglia di contro battere ,

Amir ha ragione ed io non posso far altro che prenderne atto.

Ti guardo senza dire una parola prendo le mie cose pensando io vado se vuoi venire fai pure altrimenti ,

mentre mi fermo sulla soglia della porta , una tristezza mi assale , tristezza mista a paura

mi volto e ti dico

“Ti trovo qui quando torno o vieni con me?”

Mi guardi fai un mezzo sorriso ed annuisci , capisco che quando saro’ tornata tu sarai qui ad aspettarmi ,

cio’ che mi hai detto è la verita’,

una verita’ scomoda ma era l’unico modo per colpirmi e farmi rinsavire.

la notte

 

 

Comments

comments

https://www.manzara.it/abiti/abiti-mini/abito-a-quadretti-vickey-multicolore

74 risposte a “Diario di una quarantenne”

  1. Hello to all, it’s actually a fastidious for me to pay a visit this
    website, it contains priceless Information.

  2. Everyone loves what you guys are usually up too.
    Such clever work and coverage! Keep up the good works guys I’ve you guys to our
    blogroll.

    Feel free to surf to my site … buy

  3. Hi there colleagues, its fantastic article on the topic of tutoringand
    fully defined, keep it up all the time.

  4. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your blog.
    You have some really great posts and I feel I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love
    to write some content for your blog in exchange for
    a link back to mine. Please shoot me an e-mail if interested.

    Regards!

  5. Hello to every single one, it’s genuinely a pleasant for me to pay a quick visit this web
    site, it includes priceless Information.

  6. Sweet blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?

    I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem
    to get there! Thank you

  7. Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you
    know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

  8. Excellent blog right here! Also your web site a lot up very fast!
    What web host are you using? Can I get your associate hyperlink in your host?
    I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol

  9. Can I simply just say what a comfort to find an individual who actually understands what they are talking about on the net.
    You definitely realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important.

    More people really need to look at this and understand this side of your story.
    I can’t believe you are not more popular given that you definitely possess the gift.

  10. It is perfect time to make some plans for the longer
    term and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this publish and if I may I want to counsel you some interesting
    issues or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next articles regarding this
    article. I want to learn more things about it!

  11. If some one wishes expert view about running a blog afterward i suggest him/her to visit this website, Keep up the
    fastidious work.

  12. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to
    do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to create my own blog and would
    like to find out where u got this from. many thanks

  13. I am impressed with this site, real I am a big fan .

  14. Hi there, yes this article is truly nice and I have learned lot of things from it concerning blogging.
    thanks.

  15. Hello, yeah this paragraph is truly fastidious and I have learned
    lot of things from it on the topic of blogging.
    thanks.

  16. Link exchange is nothing else however it is just placing the other person’s website
    link on your page at suitable place and other person will also do similar in support of you.

  17. You actually make it seem so easy together with your presentation however I to find this topic to be actually one thing which I
    believe I would never understand. It kind of feels too complex and very broad for me.
    I’m having a look ahead for your subsequent publish, I
    will try to get the cling of it!

  18. Hi, i feel that i saw you visited my weblog thus i got here to return the desire?.I’m trying to in finding things to improve my web
    site!I assume its ok to use a few of your concepts!!

  19. What’s up, the whole thing is going fine here and ofcourse
    every one is sharing data, that’s truly excellent, keep
    up writing.

  20. Good day! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my
    good old room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will
    forward this page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read.
    Thanks for sharing!

  21. Hi Dear, are you actually visiting this web site daily,
    if so then you will without doubt take good know-how.

  22. This is very interesting, You’re an overly professional blogger.
    I have joined your rss feed and sit up for searching for extra of
    your fantastic post. Additionally, I’ve shared your web site in my social
    networks

  23. I all the time used to study article in news
    papers but now as I am a user of internet therefore from
    now I am using net for articles or reviews, thanks to web.

  24. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My blog goes over a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you might be interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Fantastic blog by the way!

  25. I like this site very much so much fantastic information.

  26. I want to express my appreciation to you for bailing me out of such a predicament. As a result of researching throughout the the web and meeting proposals which were not powerful, I was thinking my entire life was done. Existing minus the strategies to the problems you have sorted out as a result of your main review is a crucial case, as well as the kind that would have badly damaged my career if I hadn’t encountered your website. Your own personal talents and kindness in handling the whole lot was precious. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had not encountered such a point like this. I’m able to now relish my future. Thanks very much for the expert and result oriented guide. I won’t think twice to propose your site to any person who should receive tips on this situation.

  27. Does your website have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating it
    but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got
    some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  28. Right now it looks like Expression Engine is the top
    blogging platform available right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that
    what you are using on your blog?

  29. Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask.

    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa?
    My website discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours
    and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be
    interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you!

    Wonderful blog by the way!

  30. I think this is among the most significant information for me.
    And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark
    on some general things, The web site style
    is ideal, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

  31. If you wish for to increase your know-how simply keep visiting this web page and be updated with the
    most up-to-date news posted here.

  32. Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Finding the time
    and actual effort to make a superb article… but what
    can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.

  33. This site truly has all the info I needed about this subject and didn’t know who
    to ask.

  34. I like the helpful info you provide in your articles.
    I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently.
    I’m quite sure I’ll learn many new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  35. My relatives always say that I am wasting my time here at net, however I know
    I am getting know-how every day by reading thes good articles or reviews.

  36. Hi, i believe that i noticed you visited my blog thus
    i got here to return the want?.I’m trying to to find issues to improve my
    site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your
    ideas!!

  37. Good post. I am dealing with a few of these issues as well..

    Also visit my web blog – special

  38. Hey there! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 3gs!
    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Carry on the superb work!

  39. Wow, wonderful blog structure! How long have you ever been blogging for?

    you made running a blog look easy. The full look of your site is excellent, as smartly
    as the content!

  40. Hello! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4!
    Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look
    forward to all your posts! Keep up the outstanding work!

  41. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it,
    you might be a great author. I will always bookmark your blog and will come back in the future.

    I want to encourage you to continue your great writing, have a nice holiday
    weekend!

  42. Howdy! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I
    came to give it a look. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Superb blog and excellent style and design.

  43. I was recommended this blog by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him
    as nobody else know such detailed about my problem.
    You’re incredible! Thanks!

  44. I have been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters
    and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful
    than ever before.

    Look into my web site – tracfone

  45. Usually I do not read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and
    do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, quite nice article.

  46. Hello! I’ve been reading your weblog for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Dallas Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the fantastic work!

  47. I have been exploring for a little for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this sort of
    area . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this web site.
    Reading this information So i’m happy to exhibit that I’ve an incredibly excellent uncanny
    feeling I came upon just what I needed. I most definitely
    will make certain to don?t overlook this web site and provides it a
    glance on a continuing basis.

  48. I really wanted to type a small note in order to say thanks to you for the amazing tips and hints you are showing at this website. My time-consuming internet lookup has at the end been honored with awesome content to write about with my family members. I would say that many of us visitors actually are quite lucky to live in a really good place with very many brilliant people with interesting tips and hints. I feel quite fortunate to have come across the webpages and look forward to many more entertaining times reading here. Thank you once again for everything.

  49. Goοd post. I will be expеriencing some of these issueѕ as well..

Lascia un commento