Diario di una quarantenne

L’arrivo

la notte

( giorno 700 dal tuo ritorno)

La notte

La notte , ormai piena , guardo dalla finestra il mare mentre fumo una sigaretta.

Tu sei sul letto , in questa piccola stanza d’albergo , fai zapping cercando qualcosa da vedere in tv, mi guardi ed affermi

” non sei stanca? hai guidato tutta la notte mentre gli altri dormivano”

Mi volto  ti guardo ,nei tuoi occhi vedo un bambino stanco ma felice , si sei cosi felice di essere qui al mare , sei piu’ contento tu che io.

Non ti rispondo perche’ sai sono giorni che penso alla mia poesia preferita di Bukowski, te la ricordi vero?

Ogni volta che la leggo divento malinconica e tu ormai mi odi per questo Air.

La poesia

“… pensiamoci , e ricordami,.

E ricordati che ti penso ,

che non lo sai ma ti vivo ogni giorno,

che scrivo dite .

E ricordati che cercare e pensare sono due cose diverse.

Ed io ti penso ma non ti cerco “

Strano questa poesia mi ricorda lui , si lo ammetto lo penso ma non lo cerco , ormai .

Forse lui è riuscito ad andare avanti a cercare qualcuno e trovare due occhi da poter guardare ,

io invece finisco sempre per cercare i suoi occhi in quelli della gente.

Chi sa’ se il pensiero di me lo sfiora qualche volta , distrattamente , me lo chiedo ogni volta che guardo l’orizzonte ,

ma so che non è cosi.

Spengo l’ennesima sigaretta , penso che forse questo è il punto da cui dovrei ripartire , il mare la spiaggia , il divertimento i ragazzi che gia’ hanno organizzato tutto

e tu che sei qui con me per tenermi la mano.

Dobbiamo divertirci pensi , mentre entro in camera , mi stendo accanto a te e cerco di non pensare

a tutto questo caos che ho in testa .

Si rispondo dobbiamo divertirci e lo faremo basta pensare , la notte ormai è quasi finita ed il buoi lascia il posto alla luce del sole fioca e leggera come vorrei essere io in questo momento .

Leggera e libera .

Mi accarezzi i capelli mentre mi addormento ti sento respirare

sento la leggerezza del sonno che mi avvolge in una dolce ninna nanna .

Mi manchi e ti penso , ma non ti cerco…..

amarena

 

 

Comments

comments

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