( giorno 300 dal tuo ritorno)
La zavorra , cosa è la zavorra?
é quel peso che per tempo ci siamo trascinati , lo senti anche tu Amir?
Questa quarantena sembra ormai quasi giunta al termine , per mesi ci siamo fatti compagnia , ci siamo scontrati , abbiamo cercato di parlare e la nostra conclusione è
una , dobbiamo tagliare teste!
Tu mi guardi perplesso , ma si questo termine forse è un po’ forte allora ridimensioniamolo.
Dobbiamo eliminare la zavorra , dobbiamo farlo per entrambi.
Eliminare persone , bloccarle magari , scrollarci di dosso questo senso di vuoto che ci attanaglia.
Nessuno si è mai chiesto come stessi veramente , sul serio , tutti a parlare , tutti a dare la loro versione dei fatti , le loro
chiarezze , i loro finti ” ciao come stai?”.
Mentre io colavo a picco e tu mi seguivi , ed ora è arrivato il momento di liberarci.
Basta spiegazioni , mezzi discorsi , parole lasciate a meta’ , chat visualizzate e non risposte,
ho sempre sperato che qualcuno si accorgesse di me , che finisse per non ferirmi ma non è stato cosi, la pandemia non migliora peggiora .
Ha peggiorato me che sono gia’ un disastro , e anche te che sei cosi perfetto, ecco la verita’!
Basta fingere , tenersi strette persone che non ci vogliono che pensano ad altro , che non si accorgono di noi.
Dovremo essere speciali per qualcuno non credi? ma forse è meglio essere speciali sono per noi due ,
che in questi mesi ci siamo guardati dentro , abbiamo fatto un viaggio a ritroso in questo ultimo anno , abbiamo ricordato cose brutte , che forse volevo dimenticare
ma anche cose belle .
Non ci saranno piu’ incontri con persone che usano la nostra anima per lenire un dolore sconosciuto , non ci saranno finti amici o finte amicizie , quelle di convenienza.
Sai io non amo le mezze misure , a differenza magari tua che le accetti ( siamo diversi per questo siamo un unica cosa).
ma io non posso rinnegare me stessa , fingere qualcosa che non sono ecco perche’ ho bisogno ora piu’ che mai di liberarmi dalla zavorra.
Tu mi guardi , abbozzi un mezzo sorriso , forse aspettavi che lo facessi , forse ti aspettavi che lo facessi tempo fa , ma hai rispettato i miei tempi e di questo te ne sono grata .
Senza fretta , senza volermi influenzare hai solo aspettato che ci arrivassi da sola .
Era l’unica cosa che potevi fare ,
allora tagliamo queste teste?
Ogni volta che lo penso e lo dico tu mi guardi stranito , come se avessi paura che possa tornare l’insensibile di prima , quella senza sentimenti ,
il non sentire nulla che mi proteggeva.
Forse è cosi preservo noi ed è l’unica cosa possibile i questo momento ,
per sentirci piu’ leggeri e ritornare ad essere cosi opposti eppure cosi simili.
40 risposte a “Diario di una quarantenne in quarantena quasi finita”
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