Diario di una quarantenne in quarantena quasi finita

Ci siamo!

la zavorra

( giorno 300 dal tuo ritorno)

La zavorra

La zavorra , cosa è la zavorra?

é quel peso che per tempo ci siamo trascinati , lo senti anche tu Amir?

Questa quarantena sembra ormai quasi giunta al termine , per mesi ci siamo fatti compagnia , ci siamo scontrati , abbiamo cercato di parlare e la nostra conclusione è

una , dobbiamo tagliare teste!

Tu mi guardi perplesso , ma si questo termine forse è un po’ forte allora ridimensioniamolo.

Dobbiamo eliminare la zavorra , dobbiamo farlo per entrambi.

Eliminare persone , bloccarle magari , scrollarci di dosso questo senso di vuoto che ci attanaglia.

Nessuno si è mai chiesto come stessi veramente , sul serio , tutti a parlare , tutti a dare la loro versione dei fatti , le loro

chiarezze , i loro finti ” ciao come stai?”.

Mentre io colavo a picco e tu mi seguivi , ed ora è arrivato il momento di liberarci.

Dobbiamo farlo

Basta spiegazioni , mezzi discorsi , parole lasciate a meta’ , chat visualizzate e non risposte,

ho sempre sperato che qualcuno si accorgesse di me , che finisse per non ferirmi ma non è stato cosi, la pandemia non migliora peggiora .

Ha peggiorato me che sono gia’ un disastro , e anche te che sei cosi perfetto, ecco la verita’!

Basta fingere , tenersi strette persone che non ci vogliono che pensano ad altro , che non si accorgono di noi.

Dovremo essere speciali per qualcuno non credi? ma forse è meglio essere speciali sono per noi due ,

che in questi mesi ci siamo guardati dentro , abbiamo fatto un viaggio a ritroso in questo ultimo anno , abbiamo ricordato cose brutte , che forse volevo dimenticare

ma anche cose belle .

Non ci saranno piu’ incontri con persone che usano la nostra anima per lenire un dolore sconosciuto , non ci saranno finti amici o finte amicizie , quelle di convenienza.

Sai io non amo le mezze misure , a differenza magari tua che le accetti ( siamo diversi per questo siamo un unica cosa).

ma io non posso rinnegare me stessa , fingere qualcosa che non sono ecco perche’ ho bisogno ora piu’ che mai di liberarmi dalla zavorra.

Tu mi guardi , abbozzi un mezzo sorriso , forse aspettavi che lo facessi , forse ti aspettavi che lo facessi tempo fa , ma hai rispettato i miei tempi e di questo te ne sono grata .

Senza fretta , senza volermi influenzare hai solo aspettato che ci arrivassi da sola .

Era l’unica cosa che potevi fare ,

allora tagliamo queste teste?

Ogni volta che lo penso e lo dico tu mi guardi stranito , come se avessi paura che possa tornare l’insensibile di prima , quella senza sentimenti ,

il non sentire nulla che mi proteggeva.

Forse è cosi preservo noi ed è l’unica cosa possibile i questo momento ,

per sentirci piu’ leggeri e ritornare ad essere cosi opposti eppure cosi simili.

i bigodini

 

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comments

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