( giorno 250 dal tuo ritorno)
I bigodini , dio che fastidio che mi danno , mentre cerco di grattarmi la testa con l’acconciatura che mi hanno appena fatto ,
tu mi guardi e ridi , mentre goffamente cerco di sistemarmi , non rovinarmi trucco e parrucco , ma questi cosi danno un fastidio immane penso.
Dal fondo della stanza si sente urlare il fotografo ” hey non rovinarti l’impalcatura che tra 5 minuti iniziamo , rimani sistemata!!n Non fare come al tuo solito”
Oggi sei voluto venire con me e ti sento ridacchiare per ogni mio sbuffo , ogni mio gesto goffo , ogni mia occhiataccia che ti rivolgo.
Facciamo le foto , sfodero il mio sorriso migliore , le smorfie e cosi dette posate, poi tutto finisce le luci si spengono e tu mi segui nella stanza dove mi cambio.
Sento il tuo pensiero , scorrere , sei brava sai fingere potresti fare l’attrice, ma io senza neanche voltarmi
mentre sfilo questi dannati bigodini , penso ho imparato negli anni a fingere bene ,
ad indossare una maschera anzi indossare il mio sorriso migliore anche quando dentro sono un cumulo di macerie.
Non voglio che gli altri mi vedano triste , sola e pensino , la bella ragazza sorridente che poi la sera rimane sola , poverina!
Ho imparato che alle persone piace vedermi sempre sorridente , disponibile , quella che ascolta tutti ma poi finisce per non parlare mai con nessuno , bado io a me stessa anzi
ci badiamo noi.
Fingere è l’unica cosa che so fare meglio , nessuno sa , nessuno sente , il vuoto che ho dentro , la solitudine costante che mi accompagna , lo sguardo malinconico che mi caratterizza da sempre , ma fingo solo che sia sinonimo di intelligenza .
Indosso una maschera e non ho problemi a dirlo o come in questo caso a pensarlo con te è la cosa piu’ giusta da fare , nessuno resisterebbe , come ben sai
nel vuoto che ho dentro , nella solitudine fatta di sto bene , non importa , nelle crepe dell’anima ormai vuota .
Secca , arida , non importa Amir va bene cosi!
Pensi mentre mi sto finendo di cambiare , ti guardo e sfodero il mio sorriso migliore rispondendoti , certo andiamo a casa ?
Ci guardiamo un film, mangiamo schifezze e giuro di togliere la maschera almeno con te , giuro di essere me stessa sempre , almeno con te .
Sento il tuo braccio cingermi il collo , tu cosi alto e cosi avvolgente , mi sfiori il viso ancora truccato , mi scosti i capelli ,e mi sussurri
“sei bellissima quando sorridi dovresti farlo piu’ spesso e fingere meno”
Ti guardo sbalordita , non mi hai mai detto una cosa con tanta enfasi , con un timbro di voce cosi profondo , da rimbombare nella mia testa , far
vibrare le finestre e farmi sentire cosi leggera.
Oggi è un giorno normale , di una ragazza normale che finge un sorriso per non mostrare la solitudine che ha dentro.
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