Diario di una quarantenne in quarantena

Le ferite

non mi ferisci

( giorno 70 dal tuo ritorno)

Non mi ferisci

Non mi ferisci e non so se te ne rendi conto o la paura di farlo è troppo forte da non farti vedere.

Non riuscire a  vedere il buono che mi hai donato , le parole che mi hai detto ,

le sensazioni se pur dolorose che mi hai trasmesso , non mi hanno ferito.

Il dolore è inspiegabile , ingestibile , delle volte ti prende cosi come un pugno in faccia ,

poi ti colpisce e tu dopo l’ennesimo colpo finisci per non sentire piu’ nulla.

Le persone feriscono  , i gesti , i comportamenti sono altre cose che mi feriscono ma tu no ,

se pur sia una cosa effimera , questo nostro vivere .

Con la consapevolezza di un domani che non ci sara’

tu non mi ferisci.

Le cose che non sai – Amir-

Le assenze , le mancanze , le lacrime spese inutilmente ,

le mani che stringono la bocca e lo stomaco quasi a voler soffocare il pianto il dolore la disperazione

è quello che ferisce.

Le tue parole se pur cosi distanti ,  cosi sfuggenti dalle mie mi toccano , mi accarezzano , ma non fanno male .

Quelle no sono un dolce nettare per la mia anima cosi fragile , cosi segnata dalle cicatrici ,

cosi perennemente instabile ,

appesa ad un filo in un equilibrio barcollante , mai veramente costante , se pur cosi reale .

La consapevolezza di non poter toccare quelle parole , quei gesti mi rendono forte , mi vestono di un armatura nuova ,

di una fragilita’ nuova ,

di un colore  che non è il nero .

E’ solo colore ,  indefinito , un nuovo arcobaleno  , un sorriso nuovo .

Non posso fartelo capire fin quando non sarai tu a comprenderlo ,

tu ad aprire gli occhi ,

quando meno te lo aspetti ,

come uno straniero che si guarda intorno , ma non cerca nulla in particolare ,

spera solo di sentire un profumo che lo riporti a casa .

Mai come un estraneo che non ho conosciuto .

Smetterai di  guardare il mondo con occhi diversi , non piu’ spenti ,

meno doloranti , cosi insicuri.

Sara’ solo allora che capirai , quando non posso dirtelo , ma allora capirai

che non mi ferisci …

( dedicato ate che per tempo ci siamo ignorati ma ora forse cambieremo )

amori mai nati

Comments

comments

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